You would think that because I’m in a cell with nothing to do that I’d be thinking of 100 different things to write about. Well that’s not true.Me being in a cell gives me pretty much nothing to write about.
I could write about how me and my cellmate got so bored that we have started playing games like tic-tac-toe, hangman, rock-paper-scissors, and the box game.
What I spend most of my time doing though is daydreaming about getting out (as you can imagine). I think about what it’s going to be like doing things I’m not used to, like going to church, holding a job, going back to school, etc…
I try to imagine what a single day will be like for me where I’m not selling drugs, getting high, or just life in general not being part of a gang.
Every day I spend time reading the Bible praying for the strength to do right. I’d be lying to you if I said I don’t have my doubts and that it’ll be easy.
Every day I see people here in prison who have been here 4 – 5 times before and some people more. If all those people can’t change their lives, it shows me that the odds are against me.
While sitting in the county jail, I made a promise to do right though and I’m giving it all I’ve got this time. Plus I’ve got a lot of help from God.
I know I'm late in posting to this blog...I just found it. But if you're still reading these comments I'd like to say a couple of things. I know you're out of prison and I know you've been arrested a couple of times since being released. The crimes seem to be escalating from drugs to violence. I would suggest 2 things that may help you. Seek psychological treatment to get to the root cause. If you don't have health insurance you can call Directions for Mental Health, here in Clearwater and get on a waiting list. Second, I've read a lot about how you made bad choices, are now trying to change to make (well, as of your posting these entries) your life better in the future and finding God. I'm not a psychologist but I'm well read in the area so here's what I suggest. You need to ask yourself what led you to this life? Really examine what is going on in your head. Really examine how you think compared to the average person. I would put money on the fact that there is a psychological component going on here. Many of which are treatable with patience and perseverance.
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