I have to be honest. I don’t deserve any more chances. I keep hearing people say things like “Here’s your shot at a second chance.” I’ve had so many second chances that I can’t count them all.
On my juvenile criminal record I have something like 14 felonies and 8 – 12 misdemeanors. Whenever I think about that, it seems to me that all hope is lost. But for some reason, I find myself straining and fighting, so that I don’t continue down the same path.
Even though I know it’s hard to change, I can’t help but try. I find myself reading books and looking for anything to better myself, and sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
I don’t even care if I have the worst job in the world when I get out. I just can’t stand to look in a mirror and look at myself and see nothing but a loser. I want to be able to at least say ‘I’m trying’.
On my juvenile criminal record I have something like 14 felonies and 8 – 12 misdemeanors. Whenever I think about that, it seems to me that all hope is lost. But for some reason, I find myself straining and fighting, so that I don’t continue down the same path.
Even though I know it’s hard to change, I can’t help but try. I find myself reading books and looking for anything to better myself, and sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
I don’t even care if I have the worst job in the world when I get out. I just can’t stand to look in a mirror and look at myself and see nothing but a loser. I want to be able to at least say ‘I’m trying’.
Ted,
ReplyDeleteA very smart person told me something once, and it always stuck with me. Something that can be applied to many things, as well as your current line of thought.
Was a funny man, GREAT boss, we hit it off from the first day.
Each time I would get stuck in the details of a project that seemed overwhelming, he'd pull me aside and tell me the same joke.
"How do you eat an elephant?"
"One bite at a time."
Always helped me step back and realize that EVERYTHING we decide to do, is a personal journey. A series of steps that leads us to our ultimate goal.
You are taking the FIRST steps, worry about staying on the path, don't look so far ahead.
One step at a time....
You recognize the error of your ways - step.
You express the desire to change - step.
You see how your actions have hurt the ones who LOVE YOU - step.
You are wondering whether you are worthy to have a 'normal' life - step.
Your doubts are normal for someone who is making a significant change in their life, at some point, you let go of the past and only worry about YOUR NEXT STEP.
That is where you are, my friend.
You have taken many steps already, my best advice to you is to worry about your NEXT step and let the future unfold as it is meant to.
You looking forward like this, is probably something you have never put much thought to in the past. NOW, you have some added PERSPECTIVE.
That is called wisdom and sometimes it comes at a very high price, as in your case.
One step at a time, is all you need to focus on, for now.
Keep your head low, do your time, get back to the people who LOVE you.
The future will unfold, as it is meant to. Ask God to give you some Faith. Faith is the belief in things unseen.
Faith is KNOWING that if you just worry about your NEXT step, the rest of life will fall into place.
You have taken many steps, already. Steps which allow YOUR words to rise above many others.
Even without the God part, the 'steps' rule is true. God exists in ALL of us. You must find that part within yourself and nurture it.
Is why EVERYONE has the potential to be good, sometimes they just need someone to show them the way.
One step at a time and you will get through this and back to the people that love you.