Photos from a past life

I spoke with Ted tonight on the phone. He sent some blog entries out to me on Monday, but they were returned to him because he forgot to put a stamp on the envelope.

Ted did tell me he was finally approved for a work release camp. He's just waiting for a bed to become available. Inmates who are going to work release camp choose two camps to go to - usually camps close to their homes. Ted chose two camps in his home county - both are within 30 minutes of his home. That's much better than the current three-hour distance.

People often ask if Ted is truly a changed person now. Everyone who knew him before and has talked with him agrees that yes, he is a different person. He has admitted gang involvement and how it has ruined his life. He wants to help other kids avoid the same mistakes he's made. He does not want to hang around anyone in prison that wants to go back to drugs and gangs. He constantly talks of bettering himself, although he does fear that there will be huge obstacles, such as finding a decent job.

I remember one thing that a counselor told Ted in a juvenile drug rehab center when he was 15: To truly be successful in changing your life, you must cut all ties from your past life. Your old friends will only drag you down and get you back into drugs and crime.

Photos: Ted in his past life (from his MySpace page):

Signs that your child may be in a gang

Again, no letter arrived from Ted today. While this is strictly Ted’s blog, I will post some background information about him until a letter comes.

Ted first started wearing red bandanas when he was around 12. Making no excuses for my ignorance, I didn’t think there were serious gangs in Tampa Bay. I would have conceded that there were gangs, but I thought they were just groups of kids dressing like cool characters they saw in the movies – play-acting at being Mafia mobsters.

I wish someone had told me the truth back then – gangs are a serious matter no matter where they are or how young they are. The dangers of gangs and signs of possible gang involvement need to be made widely available to all parents.

When Ted was younger – possibly around 13 or 14, I went away on a business trip and he stayed with his father in St. Pete. His dad dropped him off at Baywalk in St. Pete to see a movie. Ted called me up in a panic to say he had witnessed a shooting. He never opened up about the details, but I’m going to write and ask him more about that incident. I’m sure it involved a gang.

As Ted grew older, I never much thought about it, but his whole wardrobe started to gravitate toward certain colors – red, black and white. I took him on a trip to Alaska and he didn’t have a rain jacket. I went to buy him one and he was upset that they only ones that were for sale were blue. Again, I didn’t put two and two together. I just thought his favorite colors were red and black.

He bought ball caps and wore long chains with large crosses or dollar signs. I thought it was a phase. When he was very little, Ted liked to dress up in costumes: a police man, a fire man. A large photo of him in his fireman outfit appeared in the Hartford Courant when he was four years old. The hats, chains and baggy pants were another form of role-playing, I thought.

See this blog entry for why gang involvement is so dangerous: Gangs in Tampa Bay

The following information came from the Redwood City, California police web site. It’s a clear, concise list of signs that your child may be in a gang. None of these are sure signs of gang involvement.

Gang members share a name; form of identification (e.g., clothing, colors), "turf" or territory, and code talk (e.g., hand signs, graffiti, slang).

Street Talk
Gangs use a mixture of English and street slang. These words are meant to be difficult for "outsiders" to understand.

Hand Signals
Each gang has its own set.

Graffiti
Gangs use graffiti to mark or "tag" their territory. They also often mark their belongings.

Clothing Styles
All members may wear the same style of clothing or may wear all accessories on either the right or left side, including hats, jewelry, shoelaces, gloves, belt buckles, and so on.

Colors
Clothing may be all in one or two colors. The colors also appear on hair ornaments, nail polish, and belongings.

Symbols
The signs in the gang's graffiti may also appear on their belongings, skin (tattoos), and may be cut into their hair.

Photo: Ted, unhappy wearing his blue jacket.

Problems with the mail at Brevard?

There’s still no letter from Ted.

Apparently other people also have problems receiving mail from their relatives at Brevard, according to Prison Talk.

I’ve heard from more than one source that Brevard C.I. is the worst place you can be sent to in Florida. Fights break out every day.

One person wrote on Prison Talk:

I was lucky to get my son out of there. If your loved one is in Brevard, keep very close tabs on them! If you don't hear from them, call and find out why. They could be in confinement. They are supposed to be able to write but that is not always the case. You have to let people there know someone is watching them...someone is interested in the welfare of that inmate and is keeping up with what is going on with him. The problem isn't "fights". Unless you call getting attacked by four gang members, who are armed, a fight. It's not fights. It's beatings and horrible injuries. Not to try to scare you but just to let you know very serious injuries are coming to RMC from Brevard...very serious.

Another wrote:

Well when he first gets there he will go through orientation. He will be fine there. That usually lasts about a week. Then once he gets into general population it gets tough....at least for the first few weeks. From what I have been told is he will have to fight. There are alot of gangs in there, he should just stay to himself.

Its tough in there for my boyfriend. I havent had any problems with the guards but inside there they are tough on them. But from what my boyfriend says the gangs run the prison. The gangs pay the guards money to basically turn there back on certain things. There isnt alot of cameras in there so there is alot of fights.

A mom added:

My son was attacked and robbed - within minutes of arriving in his cell - by four guys who were armed. Try your best to get him transferred to another facility.

Gangs in Tampa Bay

Still waiting on a letter from Ted. Not sure if my letters are getting to him or if his letters are getting out to me. His last letter contained only two blog entries, so the prison may be confiscating some of the pages.

I recently found out stuff about gangs in Tampa Bay that I never knew – from another source, not from Ted.

About how gangs go to middle schools to recruit kids that are 8 or 9 years old. This is in Clearwater, Dunedin, St. Petersburg, Tampa…right here where we live. Clearwater Beach is a big area for gang activity. Gang leaders come all the way from NY and California to recruit high school students here. Gangs are in rural areas too. Not just in cities.

Someone told me about one young boy who got jumped walking home from middle school by a bunch of kids. He wasn’t safe until he joined a gang.

Gangs aren’t just cute social clubs, where kids wear colored bandanas to look cool. They force you into illegal activities. Selling drugs. Burglary. Vandalism. Members go to parties where they pull out guns regularly. Kids get stabbed. Shot.

Ted said he joined a gang so long ago ‘he didn’t remember how old he was, but he was really young.’ At first I thought it was around age 12, as that’s the first time I saw him wearing a red bandana. But now I realize it was much younger – probably about 9 or 10.

Ted went to a Christian school right up through 8th grade. He wasn’t even safe there.

I asked my source what danger Ted faced when he got out. After all, he appeared on the front page of the Floridian section of the St. Pete Times wearing a red bandana and throwing up a Blood sign. The source said Ted was brave for having that picture on the front page of the paper.

Once you’re in a gang, you never leave. You may get jumped out, but you still have an association with them. But they use you. They’re never there to visit you in jail or prison and they sure won’t put money in your commissary account.

Younger kids look up to their older relatives and copy what they do. Stay out of gangs. If not for yourself, for your little brother or sister.

Photo: Ted at age 12 wearing a red bandana on a trip out West.

Gangs on compound

OK, I know I only spent a little bit of time on the compound before coming to the box, but in that little time I got a good picture of how things are here. At least I think I do.

This compound is run by gangs. I've been in a gang for a long time, but I've never seen anything like this.

You've got Bloods, Crips, Folks, MS13, Latin Kings, Zoe and a few others. In my opinion though, there's no real Zoe's here, but whatever.

Anyway, from what I can see, Bloods run the compound for the most part.

Also the gangs here are pretty well organized. I haven't really seen anything to make me think that, but I can see it when I talk to people in gangs about gangs.

Other than that, I'm still scoping things out, but it's kinda hard - being in the box and all.

Gangs in prison

This is probably something I should have realized years ago, but I’m realizing it more and more in prison.

I look around and I see all these gangs in prison – wearing their clothes a certain way or having gang tattoos – but I don’t see what they can offer you.

They say they can offer protection, but to me that just puts a target on your head. They also say theirs [the name of their gang] softly in numbers. Well most of the fights I see are gang-related and there are hardly ever more than two people fighting – while the rest of their gangs just stand around and watch.

It is a little different on the street. Gangs on the street tend to be more loyal to the gang, but like I said in the beginning – they don’t have anything to offer.

Sure they’ll say you could make money and have girls, but is it worth it? I’d rather find a girl who wants nothing to do with gangs and doesn’t care if I’m rich.

Just look at what you get offered to join a gang and then look at what life has to offer you not being in a gang.

Almost gone

It’s Monday night and in a couple hours I could possibly leave to go to prison.

I have asked a lot of people what it’ll be like and what to expect. I’m anxious, yet scared.

I will kind of be disappointed if I don’t go, but even if I don’t, I will leave on Thursday.

I heard that that first 2-4 weeks will be the worst, but that would probably be true even if the prison wasn’t filled with convicts.

I’m not sure how long it will be before I can send or receive letters – and not hearing from my family will be the worst.

Right now I’m only 15 minutes away from where I live, but who knows where I’ll be in a month or two. I could be almost in Alabama for all I know.

Well in a few hours, I’ll know if I’m going or not, and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

Wish me luck…

My best friend

No matter what I did or where I went, I had this friend who was always there for me.

At times we seemed to be on top of the world and sometimes times were hard, but no matter what, we stuck by each other.

Anyway, this is for him.

On 8/11/09, he came to jail for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. I don’t really want to know what he did, but by the grace of God, his charges are being dropped.

I just want to say to him –

I know we’ve been to hell and back together and not even a bullet could’ve separated us. When you get out, I hope you realize how close you were to coming to prison with me. Please if you don’t listen to anything else, listen to this.

The drugs are going to make you do things you regret – even if you don’t intend to do anything wrong. Just look at the scars on my face and you’ll know what I’m saying.

I want you to know I pray for you every night.

I'm ready to go

I never thought I would say that I'm looking forward to going to prison, but you have to understand that I've literally been in the same room for 11 months without really going outside under the open sky.

Not to mention that Chuck Norris is now working in the pod 3-4 days a week. The other day, he came up to me and said, "Braden, do you know why I have a problem getting along with people, and especially my girlfriend?" I thought he was going to say cause he talks too much or something like that, but instead he said, "It's because I'm always right!"

I pray that no other human should be put through that kind of torture that only Deputy Phillips (aka Chuck Norris) can dish out.

P.S. Chuck Norris is about 15 feet away from me as I write this.

(This entry was written before Ted left the Pinellas County Jail.)

Jail food

When you first come to jail, the worst part about it (besides being here) is the hunger.

A lot of people don't have money - or people to give them money - so that means they can't eat commissary food.

Sure, the jail feeds you, but if you only eat the meals the jail feeds you, you'll be left still hungry.

It sucks not being able to eat what you want, when you want.

The food you get for each meal is never any good - sometimes it's unrecognizable - and also the amount you get is a joke.

I'm a small person (119 lbs.) and if I could eat four trays of this food, imagine how hungry someone who's bigger than me feels.

The meals here only are enough to keep me from coming back! That's not even mentioning all the other reasons - which I won't get into - because I'm sure you've got some kind of plans for the next week!

Good people

The next few entries were sent from Ted just before he left for prison...

Even though I am going to prison, everything I am doing with these blogs is bringing good people back into my life - which is something I really need.

For instance, yesterday my 6th grade science teacher - who I haven't seen in years - came to see me. That meant so much to me. (I don't know if she knows it, but she was the best teacher I every had. I'm sure she'll still be around to teach me new things.)

The biggest thing I've noticed with all these people coming to see me to give me encouragement is that not one of these people have judged what I've done in the past. The only thing any of these people care about is that I do what I'm supposed to do.

It feels great not to have to hide my past. Thank you to all that have come to see me and also to those who have tried to come see me. Your support means the world to me.

A little advice to others - No matter what you do in life - don't cut the good people out of it. I'm just learning that. Having the right kind of people in your life can make the biggest difference!

Scared to get out

(This entry Ted wrote before he was sentenced to prison.)

Every day I hope that I will get out soon, and I think about all the stuff I want to do – like what food I will eat, where will I get a job, etc., but in reality I’m more nervous than excited to get out.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t ever want to come back here as long as I live and I’ll do anything to make sure I don’t – it’s just that most of my teenage years, I’ve spent incarcerated.

When I’m on the streets, I only know one life, but I know that I have to change everything.

I’m going to have to learn how to change my way of thinking. I’m also going to have to handle hostile situations by walking away instead of getting in a fight.

I pray every night for God to give me the strength to change my life… and hopefully someone else’s too.

Leaving gangs behind

All my teenage years as a gang member, I learned to hate rival gangs.

One gang that I hated the most was called “Folks” or “Folk Nation”. I have never talked to one and have never liked one, but over the last 4 or 5 months, I’ve become really good friends with a Folk gang member [in jail].

It turns out that we were sentenced to prison on the same day so we will both leave on the same day to go to prison.

I know we probably won’t be able to change anybody’s mind in prison about being in a gang, but just maybe somebody reading my blogs will see that it doesn’t matter what set you represent or where you’re from, or what colors you wear. We are all just human beings.

If you really think about it, gangs don’t do nothing for you. The only thing it will do for you is what it did for me – and that is give you twice as much time for anything you get in trouble for. It only enhances the charges.