Best of Teen in Jail

Here is a sampling of some of the best (and most widely-read) Teen in Jail blog entries. Ted was not allowed to write about a lot of what went on in prison and plans to write a book about his whole experience when he is released.

All day in a cell
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/10/all-day-in-cell.html

My first arrest
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/08/my-first-criminal-charge.html

A lead pipe to the face
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/07/lead-pipe-to-face.html

Five mugshots since I turned 18
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/08/five-mug-shots-since-i-turned-18_04.html

What life could’ve been like
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/09/what-life-could-have-been-like.html

My biggest regret
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/09/my-biggest-regret.html

Hope
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/08/hope.html

Why I did what I did
http://www.teeninjail.com/2010/01/why-i-did-what-i-did.html

Your real friends
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/08/your-real-friends.html

Is my life over before it even begins?
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/08/is-my-life-over-before-it-begins.html

An uncertain future
http://www.teeninjail.com/2010/01/uncertain-future.html

Hell on Earth
http://www.teeninjail.com/2010/01/hell-on-earth.html

Why I got into trouble
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/12/why-i-got-in-trouble.html

Surviving in prison
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/11/surviving-in-prison.html

Constant harassment
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/10/constant-harassment.html

A bad week
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/11/bad-week.html

A real cut up
http://www.teeninjail.com/2009/10/real-cut-up.html

Teen in Jail: One year later
http://www.teeninjail.com/2010/07/teen-in-jail-one-year-later.html

After the brick wall

When I look back on the last two years, I can’t believe so much has happened.

Since before I got arrested, I knew I was headed toward a brick wall. I just didn’t care.

Now two years later, I’d like to think this whole experience made me a little wiser. Now I see the potential in my life. I know how to use my past to better my future.

Sure it’s not going to be easy now that I’m a convicted felon. Plus when I get out of this place, I’ll have to start all over again. As long as I stay focused for the first few months of getting out of prison, I should have some money saved up so I can get my license back. After that, it’ll get a little easier.

Worries

Even though I’m still finishing my prison sentence and I still belong to the Department of Corrections, now that I’m at work release I have new things to worry about: money, clothes and hygiene. Some of the things that really worry me are running into a group of old friends or drugs. It’s so easy in prison to stay clean because even though drugs are around, it’s not like on the street. So far I’ve been doing good, but a lot of people here have been sent back to prison for drug use, so I know it’s still around.

What worries me is – say I make it out of here in August, get out and move away. Then I’m going to have to start over somewhere else and I’ve never done that on my own before. I’ve been incarcerated during the years I should’ve been learning how to live on my own. It feels like I’m being kicked out of a cage into the chaotic world.

I know that if I really needed something, I could go to my parents, but I don’t want to have to do that for the rest of my life. For instance, when I get out, I have to pay these court costs off so I can get my license back, get a car and save up even more money so I can get an apartment. I don’t know how or where I’m going to get all this money. I know I have three months left, but that’s not a lot of time to save money, especially when they take 65% of everything I make.

Maybe when I get out I’ll work for a couple more months and save every penny I get. It just seems impossible to make it in the world sometimes.

Changes on the outside

One thing I haven’t thought about in a long time is new movie releases. I was looking through the newspaper the other day and I saw some listings for movies that are now available on DVD. Most of the movies in there I’ve never even heard of.

I just can’t believe I’ve missed so much. I know I only got 24 months in prison, where as there are other people who have way longer to do than me. But still, in the time I’ve been incarcerated, new movies have come out, newer cars, and a big store was built near my mom’s house. Sure these are just little things, but people who live in the community are so used to all this that they don’t think too much about it.

When I get out, though, things will be a lot different. I’ll have to catch up on two years worth of movies. I’ll have a new Walmart two blocks from my house, and I’ll even have new neighbors I’ll have to meet.

I’m sure when I get out I’ll notice a lot of other things that have changed also. Well hopefully I’ll only have another five or six months left. That isn’t too bad.

Road trip

When I get out, I have a million things I have to think about and do, but I decided one thing I’m definitely going to do for sure. I’m taking a road trip.

I want to get away from Florida. I’m not trying to escape. I just want to have some time to myself for a few weeks.

It’s going to take a lot of planning and preparation, but I think it’ll do me some good. I don’t want to go anywhere in particular. I just want to start driving and see where I end up. I was thinking about driving on the famous Route 66. Who knows.

Of course I can’t take this road trip right away. First I have to get my license re-instated and save some money. Plus a few other things, but this is one thing I really want to do. It’s one of the things I want to do while I’m young.

My mom said she thought it was a good idea, but of course she worries. Every mom worries about their kids no matter how old they are. Heck, I’ll be 21 when I’m released and still sometimes she acts like she doesn’t want me to ever leave her side.

Anyway, if anyone has any good advice for a successful road trip, I’d really like to hear it.

Getting a job

I know there are organizations that will help find me a job, but they are going to be the kind of jobs nobody else wants to do. I don’t want to be stuck working a job like that for the rest of my life.

I know I’ve probably talked about it before, but I can’t seem to find the right words to describe how I feel about how hard it’s going to be to get a job when I get out.

Nobody wants to hire a felon. Especially one with a record like mine.

Even if I wasn’t a felon and I had a clean record, it’s still hard to get a job in this recession. So now that I’ve been to prison, it’s going to be that much harder. With so few jobs out there and everyone else applying for them, I’m going to be the first person they decide NOT to hire.

I know I can do much greater things if I was just given the chance. I don’t care if it’s not a job that will make me rich as long as I like what I’m doing and making a difference.

I just want to prove to myself and my family that I’m not doomed to spend the rest of my life in prison.

Ted's Alaska photography

I spoke to Ted on the phone today and he said new blog entries will likely arrive in my mail tomorrow.

Ted would like to go back to college to study photography and English to fulfill his dream of becoming a writer/photographer. He has published some photos, but unfortunately, stacks of magazines which had been stored in our garage were burned. Ted used to have friends over and they sat outside our house around an outdoor fireplace. Many of the magazines that had his published photos were used by some of those friends to fuel the fire.

I tried to find some of his published photos by going through old computer files and honestly don't remember which were published and which were not.

So here is a sampling of some of Ted's photography which he took on a 10-day interior trip to Alaska. (The blog publishing site only allows five photos at once to be uploaded per entry.)An article about this trip can be found here.

Finding a purpose in life

Tonight when I was on the phone with my mom, she told me that there are people all over the world that are reading my posts.

I'm not at all bragging, it's just that when I started writing I just never expected anybody outside of my county to read my blog. I only wanted to help others that grew up in the same place I did.

I never thought that my writing would become so popular. Even here in prison, every CO knows about my writing. I can't believe I've been given such a great opportunity to speak to people all over the world.

I've honestly never stuck with anything my whole life until now. I feel like I finally found a purpose. I never thought I would find what I love to do while I'm incarcerated. It only goes to show that no matter what your situation is, you can always improve it and find something that makes you happy.

You've got to want to change

I’m trying harder than I ever have before to change my life because prison is not a place I ever want to return to. I actually want to do something with my life, but something that I noticed (and it’s a sad truth) is that a lot of people that I’m locked up with don’t seem like they want to change their lives. They write letters to their families saying they’re sorry, they’ll do better, and right after they’re done writing the letter, they’re talking about selling dope or robbing people. I just don’t understand how people in prison can plan to do stuff or talk about doing stuff that will put them right back in here.

I’m willing to do anything to not come back. I disappointed my family too many times and I don’t ever want to see that look on their faces again.

Why don’t other people feel this way? It seems like they just don’t care. They’re just gonna do what they want – no matter what anyone else says. It’s sad that they won’t ever change. I wish I could do something, but I’m helpless. They have to want to change and like I said before, it seems like they don’t want to.

An uncertain future

Now that 2010 is here and with all the holidays coming and going, my head is a mess.

Sometimes for weeks at a time I’m excited and happy my time is flying by, but out of nowhere, it’s like I hit a brick wall and fall into a depression that seems like it will never end. Also at times, I’m so sure about what I want to do when I get out and then the next day, I have no idea. I can’t keep my thoughts and emotions straight. It kills me to think that I could very easily spend the rest of my life going to and from prison without even trying.

I’m reminded daily of the odds stacked against me - sometimes that’s what keeps me working toward a better future, but other times it just makes me want to give up. It’s so easy to give up. I could tell you about it just as much as the next guy because I’ve done it all my life. I gave up school, good friends, and even my family at times. I just can’t seem to hold on.

I hate to admit this, but from time to time, I can’t help but cry, knowing I might never be able to stop being who I was. I want nothing more than to live a normal life. I don’t care if I’m dirt poor, working at a minimum wage job – just as long as I can say I’m trying my best. That’s all I want, but everything just seems so hard. Especially being a convicted felon. That doesn’t help me at all. It only makes things 10 times worse.

I hate thinking like this, but sometimes I can’t help it. Let’s face it – everything I worry about is a reality. I’ve got a lot of things I have to face when I get out. It’s overwhelming at times.

All I can do for now though is deal with my current situation and then worry about everything else when it comes. When I finally get out, I’ll just have to deal with everything one thing at a time, not all at once, or I’ll be crushed under all the pressure. I know it.

I hate to ask for help, but I know I won’t make it without it.