Almost gone

It’s Monday night and in a couple hours I could possibly leave to go to prison.

I have asked a lot of people what it’ll be like and what to expect. I’m anxious, yet scared.

I will kind of be disappointed if I don’t go, but even if I don’t, I will leave on Thursday.

I heard that that first 2-4 weeks will be the worst, but that would probably be true even if the prison wasn’t filled with convicts.

I’m not sure how long it will be before I can send or receive letters – and not hearing from my family will be the worst.

Right now I’m only 15 minutes away from where I live, but who knows where I’ll be in a month or two. I could be almost in Alabama for all I know.

Well in a few hours, I’ll know if I’m going or not, and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

Wish me luck…

My best friend

No matter what I did or where I went, I had this friend who was always there for me.

At times we seemed to be on top of the world and sometimes times were hard, but no matter what, we stuck by each other.

Anyway, this is for him.

On 8/11/09, he came to jail for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. I don’t really want to know what he did, but by the grace of God, his charges are being dropped.

I just want to say to him –

I know we’ve been to hell and back together and not even a bullet could’ve separated us. When you get out, I hope you realize how close you were to coming to prison with me. Please if you don’t listen to anything else, listen to this.

The drugs are going to make you do things you regret – even if you don’t intend to do anything wrong. Just look at the scars on my face and you’ll know what I’m saying.

I want you to know I pray for you every night.

I'm ready to go

I never thought I would say that I'm looking forward to going to prison, but you have to understand that I've literally been in the same room for 11 months without really going outside under the open sky.

Not to mention that Chuck Norris is now working in the pod 3-4 days a week. The other day, he came up to me and said, "Braden, do you know why I have a problem getting along with people, and especially my girlfriend?" I thought he was going to say cause he talks too much or something like that, but instead he said, "It's because I'm always right!"

I pray that no other human should be put through that kind of torture that only Deputy Phillips (aka Chuck Norris) can dish out.

P.S. Chuck Norris is about 15 feet away from me as I write this.

(This entry was written before Ted left the Pinellas County Jail.)

Jail food

When you first come to jail, the worst part about it (besides being here) is the hunger.

A lot of people don't have money - or people to give them money - so that means they can't eat commissary food.

Sure, the jail feeds you, but if you only eat the meals the jail feeds you, you'll be left still hungry.

It sucks not being able to eat what you want, when you want.

The food you get for each meal is never any good - sometimes it's unrecognizable - and also the amount you get is a joke.

I'm a small person (119 lbs.) and if I could eat four trays of this food, imagine how hungry someone who's bigger than me feels.

The meals here only are enough to keep me from coming back! That's not even mentioning all the other reasons - which I won't get into - because I'm sure you've got some kind of plans for the next week!

Good people

The next few entries were sent from Ted just before he left for prison...

Even though I am going to prison, everything I am doing with these blogs is bringing good people back into my life - which is something I really need.

For instance, yesterday my 6th grade science teacher - who I haven't seen in years - came to see me. That meant so much to me. (I don't know if she knows it, but she was the best teacher I every had. I'm sure she'll still be around to teach me new things.)

The biggest thing I've noticed with all these people coming to see me to give me encouragement is that not one of these people have judged what I've done in the past. The only thing any of these people care about is that I do what I'm supposed to do.

It feels great not to have to hide my past. Thank you to all that have come to see me and also to those who have tried to come see me. Your support means the world to me.

A little advice to others - No matter what you do in life - don't cut the good people out of it. I'm just learning that. Having the right kind of people in your life can make the biggest difference!

Scared to get out

(This entry Ted wrote before he was sentenced to prison.)

Every day I hope that I will get out soon, and I think about all the stuff I want to do – like what food I will eat, where will I get a job, etc., but in reality I’m more nervous than excited to get out.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t ever want to come back here as long as I live and I’ll do anything to make sure I don’t – it’s just that most of my teenage years, I’ve spent incarcerated.

When I’m on the streets, I only know one life, but I know that I have to change everything.

I’m going to have to learn how to change my way of thinking. I’m also going to have to handle hostile situations by walking away instead of getting in a fight.

I pray every night for God to give me the strength to change my life… and hopefully someone else’s too.

I miss the little things

When I first came to jail on this charge, the only thing I was concerned about was getting out.

As each day passed, I gradually realized I’m not going anywhere.

I started to miss my girlfriend, my friends, getting high, and pretty much all the things I shouldn’t have cared about in the first place.

After awhile, I started missing just the little everyday things I took for granted - like being able to use the bathroom without having 70 people right behind me, or going to the refrigerator whenever I got hungry.

Now I have to sit and eat food – I’m not even sure what it is – with a bunch of people I don’t even like. Also now I’m used to taking a shower while I’m talking to the dude next to me, and I’m used to hearing a rent-a-cop deputy yelling at me for something I didn’t even do.

I hope that anybody that has never been to jail will never have to say that they are used to being locked up.

Leaving gangs behind

All my teenage years as a gang member, I learned to hate rival gangs.

One gang that I hated the most was called “Folks” or “Folk Nation”. I have never talked to one and have never liked one, but over the last 4 or 5 months, I’ve become really good friends with a Folk gang member [in jail].

It turns out that we were sentenced to prison on the same day so we will both leave on the same day to go to prison.

I know we probably won’t be able to change anybody’s mind in prison about being in a gang, but just maybe somebody reading my blogs will see that it doesn’t matter what set you represent or where you’re from, or what colors you wear. We are all just human beings.

If you really think about it, gangs don’t do nothing for you. The only thing it will do for you is what it did for me – and that is give you twice as much time for anything you get in trouble for. It only enhances the charges.

To the Lakeside Community Chapel

It's been a long time since I've been to church or even read my Bible, but the last couple of months, God has been really working in me.

At first it was me blogging on the internet and having a couple of people respond, but a few days ago, I had the most unexpected visit. Someone I went to elementary school with at Lakeside Christian School and went to church with as a kid came and saw me. She told me that the whole church knows about my situation and that everybody is praying for me.

One of the biggest surprises was that the police officer that transported me to jail was an old friend of my dad's and he was the one that put me on the prayer list at my old church. That meant a lot to me and showed me that there are a lot of people that care about me - even if I never see...or talk to them.

I want to say thank you to the officer that put me on the prayer list at church. Please keep praying for me. Also when I get out, you can expect to see me at church.

A message for the judge

Like I said a few blogs ago when I went to court on September 8th, I thought I was going home, but instead the judge told me I was going to prison for 24 months – NO LESS!

At first I just thought she was being mean, but now I realize it’s for the best.

Even though I REALLY DON”T WANT TO GO TO PRISON, it’ll be a new experience and hopefully by me going there and writing about it, other youths will realize what prison is really like and hopefully make better decisions so that they don’t end up like me.

But back to what I really want to say…I don’t know if my sentencing judge reads my blogs or not, but I just want to say to her that even though she sentenced me to 24 months in prison, I know that you only want to see youths such as myself make a better future for ourselves. I truly believe that.

You told me yourself that you wanted to see me turn my life around and I’m trying very much to do so.

Tuesday, September 8th

Last week, my attorney came to see me and she told me that I was going to get my charge dropped from trafficking to a sales & possession charge – which is a lesser charge – and that most likely I would get time served.

But yesterday – Tuesday, September 8th - I went to court and the judge told me they would drop my charge to sales & possession, but they wanted me to serve 24 months DOC (Department of Corrections), which is prison – in case you don’t know.

Most of my time in jail I expected it, but after my attorney came and got my hopes up, I was shocked.

I was so shocked, I asked for a week to think about it – and after only a day – I’m ready to take it.

I was so angry I felt like if anybody would even look at me wrong, I was going to hit them. I was sick to my stomach. I didn’t know what to do.

It’s only been a day since then and I don’t feel much different. I’m just trying to accept the fact that I have to go to prison. I guess I’m as ready as I’m going to be.

Right now I’m trying to keep to myself and not start any fights. I’m really trying to put violence in my past.

Hopefully with good behavior, I’ll be out in 10 more months.

And the verdict is...

I went to court today and entered a plea to accept the state’s offer of a 2-year prison sentence. I’ll get credit for the 11 months of time I spent at the Pinellas County jail, so I’ll be in prison for 13 months. I also can get 94 days deducted from that for good behavior.

I asked the judge for a 24-hour furlough before I went to prison, but she said no.

The judge's last words to me were "Mr. Braden, I do hope you've learned from all of this and after you've served your time that you won't be involved with the criminal justice system again."

I found out today that it might take a week or two for me to get to the Central Florida Reception Center. (I won't be leaving right away like I thought I would.) I could spend up to eight weeks at the reception center waiting to get assigned to a prison. They do extensive psychological and physical tests there to see if prisoners have any medical issues or educational needs. That determines what prison inmates go to. Next, they see if those particular prisons have open beds.

I could be sent to any prison from the Florida panhandle down to the southern end of the state.

If I’m at the reception center for longer than eight weeks, I’ll end up staying there to serve my sentence. They have different building there (Main, East and West) that house permanent residents. There’s two types of housing: Open Pop (open population) or CM (Closed Management). Open Pop is made up of a dorms of bunks. CM is made up of 1- or 2-man cells. There are different levels of Closed Management: CM I, CM II, and CM III (Maximum, Medium and Minimum security). All types of inmates wait there for assignments to the different Florida prisons.

My mom read on Prison Talk that they put you through a million and one things during that process. They’ll tell you to roll up your bed and move you to another location or to medical and in the morning will move you right back to where you were – with no explanation. According to the PT forum, there’s a mental process of owing the inmates nothing and making them be grateful for what they do have.

Prison Talk also said that the reception center was disgusting – mildew and rust on everything, so much so that some inmates are afraid to touch anything.

The food is supposed to be better than in county jail. I sure hope it is.

Prison Talk also says that it might take 10 to 20 days for me to get a letter. Other inmates say they received letters right away. Inmates are allowed to receive 10 sheets of paper, 10 envelopes and a book of stamps in the mail. Some parents didn’t receive their kids' letters for weeks and weeks.

After three weeks at the reception center, I’ll be able to make phone calls (to landlines only - no cell phones). I won’t be allowed visitations at the reception center unless I find out I’ll be staying there permanently. If they send me to another prison, I may not be able to get my first visit until four to six months, but it could be sooner. I hope I get sent somewhere close to home.

I can receive money in my commissary account as soon as I get a DC #. It won’t be the same inmate number I had at the Pinellas County jail. The DC # will be posted on the Florida Department of Corrections web site. They use a site called jpay (www.jpay.com), which is similar to PayPal.

There is a library in prison so I can read. There also may be work programs and education opportunities depending on where I’m sent. I can also receive books in the mail either sent from Amazon.com or directly from the publisher, but they must be paperback books with no spiral wires – any metal can be used as a weapon.

It makes it a little easier to know what I’m facing instead of just a big unknown. Once I find out what prison I’ll be sent to, I’ll be able to find out more info on that facility too.

I’m not happy about being sent away, but I won’t be on probation when I get out. I’ll also have to pay $2,034 in restitution for going with some friends to damage another kid’s car. (Told ya the gang got me into a lot of trouble.) I’ll also owe about $500 per charge for court costs and there’s three charges. I’ll be able to set up a payment plan once I get out to pay it back on a monthly basis.

The visitation process has changed again at the Pinellas County jail. The visitation reservation line (727-464-6842) now opens at 8 a.m. and you can make appointments for visitations for a week at a time now. (You need to have your driver’s license number available when you make a reservation.)

Inmates are only allowed one visit per day. My visitation days are Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. There were no visits open for Tuesday - so someone is coming to visit me - I just don’t know who. My mom and dad will visit me on Wednesday and Brittany and my mom will come this Friday.

I should still be at the Pinellas County jail for at least another week.

Teen in Jail appears on cover of new tb-two newpaper

Talked to my mom and dad on a 3-way call tonight. (Someone in jail let me use their phone card.)

On Thursday, September 10, there was an article about my blog in a new St. Pete Times teen newspaper [called tb-two] that goes to 75,000 high school students in Tampa Bay. A picture of me was on the cover too. I haven't seen the article yet, but I hope it helps some kids keep away from drugs and out of jail.

This article was a totally separate article from the one that appeared in the regular Sunday St. Pete Times paper on September 6.

I told my parents that I heard rumors in jail that they were changing the laws so that only 65% of a sentence could be served, instead of 85%.

I asked my friend Brittni to visit me at the jail on Tuesday. Brittni has been writing me tons of letters and it helps so much that she is there for me. (My girlfriend Kahli is long gone. I've heard that she now refers to me as "my ex-boyfriend in jail".)

My mom reads me the emails that I get at teeninjail@yahoo.com. I got a lot of emails after that article came out in tb-two. Other kids want to write to me in prison too, and I'd really like that. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that people are thinking about me and praying for me. I can get letters at the reception center when I know my DC #. My mom will post the address and the DC # once she knows it.

I also asked my mom and dad to visit me on Wednesday. It might take about a week for me to be sent to the Central Florida Reception Center in Orlando. Hopefully I'll get to see my family before I'm sent to the reception center and I'm not sent there right away after court.

I have court again tomorrow morning. I want to ask the judge if I will get time served taken off the 24 months sentence. Hopefully I will. Then I would only serve 13 months in prison. I could also get 94 additional days taken off my sentence for good behavior.

Someone sent my mom a really good web site called Prison Talk. It has forums where people post all kinds of information on all of the prisons.

Stay tuned for what happens in court tomorrow...

Blogger's note: Found out online (after the phone call to Ted) that there is a bill in Congress called "hr 1475", but it hasn't passed yet. This is the bill that supports reducing time served in a sentence to 65%. The main supporter of the bill, Representative Charles Rangel, is being investigated for false or non-reporting of income - up to half a million dollars in unreported income. So he'll be busy defending himself and will want to distance himself from criminal justice reform.

7,000 readers and counting...

When I first started writing this blog, I never thought that a whole lot of people would read it - but I was really amazed at how it took off.

I can't believe about 7,000 people have read my blog.

Now that I know people are interested in what I've got to say, that encourages me to keep writing - even though I might not be able to think of anything to write.

I just hope that at least one person out of 7,000 would take some of the advice I have to give to heart. I hope nobody will make the same mistakes I did.

Please keep reading and also I want any advice that ya'll have to give to me.

Being focused

Here in this jail, I spent a lot of time thinking about the wrong things.

I would think about what my friends were doing and what I could be doing.

But over the last few months, writing these blog entries has helped me realize what things I should be thinking about.

Now I try to think about what I’m going to do when I get out instead of thinking about what I could be doing if I were out.

Also now instead of thinking of what my friends are doing, I think about going to school and getting a good job.

Changing the way I think is the hardest thing to do, but if I can successfully do it, it will be the most rewarding.

Photo: Ted at Busch Gardens at 15 years old.

What I heard about my sentence

Tonight my parents came to visit me at the jail.

It was incredibly hard to find out yesterday that I would be doing at least two years in prison.

My mom talked to my attorney on the phone today. The attorney said that it would be two years minus the time served (24 months - 11 months = 13 months). She also said that if I keep out of trouble (no arguments, fights or escape attempts), I could maybe get some time off for good behavior as well.

The attorney will ask the judge to recommend that I be sent someplace close to home. The judge can't determine where I'll be sent. Only the intake center can say where I'll go. But the judge can possibly recommend one prison to the intake center.

There is a work release camp near the Pinellas County jail, where prisoners can go to in order to serve the last year of their sentence. I may be eligible to go there.

There's also a prison/work camp in Largo. The penitentiaries nearest my home in Clearwater would be in Zephyrhills, Hillsborough and Polk counties. There is also an adult prison at Avon Park next door to where I spent 9 months at the juvenile facility. You can click on the hyperlinks and click on Browse Current Population to view photos and profiles of the inmates in the prisons.

When I enter a plea on Monday morning, I will then be eligible to go right away to the Orlando reception center, which is an intake facility for people going to prison. I will stay there two weeks and they will evaluate me to determine what prison I go to. It could be a minimum, moderate or maximum security facility.

I won't be kept with only younger inmates, as I wasn't tried as a youthful offender. (One of my podmates was involved with armed robbery, but was tried as a youthful offender.) So I'll be in with inmates of all ages.

As long as I keep out of any fights, I won't be housed with the violent offenders like murderers.

I hear from other guys here that they have college classes or trades you can go to in prison and I'd like to go to them.

I'm trying to keep positive and look at it as another experience to write about. My mom told me that a lot of famous authors have been in prison - such as Jack London and O'Henry.

My attorney told me before court that she thought I had a 90% chance of getting a sentence of time served and that I might get out of jail sometime after court on Tuesday. So it hit me doubly hard when I found out that wouldn't be the case and that I'd be doing [what I thought at the time] would be at least two more years.

I'll ask the judge on Monday if the sentence will for sure be 24 months minus any timed served.

But whatever she says, I'll definitely accept the deal. I don't want to face 30 years in prison.

Photo: Video visitation room at the Pinellas County jail.

More famous writers that have spent time in prison: Boethius, Cervantes, Campanella, Daniel Defoe, Thomas More, Walter Raleigh, Leigh Hunt, Oscar Wilde, Maxim Gorky, Chernyeshevsky, Dostoyevsky, Solzhenitsyn, Francois Villon, Voltaire, Diderot, The Marquis de Sade, Jean Genet, Saint Paul, Malcolm X.

Court update

Today Ted went to court.

Both the judge and the state attorney had already read the article in the St. Pete Times about the Teen in Jail blog (that appeared in the Sunday, September 6th issue) by the time he appeared in the courtroom.

Ted's trafficking charge has been changed to a lesser charge of sales and possession because the pills that he was arranging to be sold didn't contain enough MDMA (Ecstasy) to constitute trafficking, according to the forensic analysis.

Ted's attorney asked the judge if Ted's sentence could be reduced to 12 months with time served.

The state attorney reiterated that Ted had been getting into trouble for seven years - including burglary, grand theft, and numerous drug charges. In fact, he said, Ted had appeared in court and had just been put on probation when he was arrested three days later for his current charge. The court doesn't take violation of probation lightly.

The state offered Ted a deal of two years in prison.

Ted's attorney tried three times to get the sentence reduced, including asking that he be sent to Solid Rock, a drug rehab in St. Petersburg. Finally she asked for only 18 months prison time.

The judge said that while she could appreciate what Ted was trying to do with his writing, she had to go by his past record, not by his promises to do better.

Actions speak louder than words.

She recommended that he take the state's deal, as it was extremely generous. Ted has accumulated enough points to go to at least 3½ years in prison. If he decided to go to a jury trial, his charges carried a maximum sentence of 30 years prison time.

A jury might not be so lenient.

Since Ted didn't have an immediate answer and wanted to think about it, the judge set a new court date for Monday, September 14th at 8:30 a.m. He will have to tell her if he will take the two years in prison or take his chances at a trial.

Map of local correctional facilities

More info about local correctional facilities

Court tomorrow

Tomorrow I have a court hearing at 8:30 a.m.

I get to get up at 4:30 a.m. and it'll be seven or eight hours before I return to my pod at the jail.

Although there have been a lot of postponements, I think tomorrow I may find out whether or not I'll be sentenced to prison, be sent to a drug rehab, or get house arrest.

It could be postponed again though.

I won't get much sleep tonight...

Your real friends

"The bad times show you who your good friends are." - Teen in Jail

If you were to go to jail right now, how many of your friends would come to see you? How many of them would be willing to bond you out - or at least put money in your commissary?

I'm sure if you'd ask them if they would do any of those things, they would say, "You know I would. You're my friend and I'm here for you."

But do you really believe that?

I'm sure I'm not the only person that will tell you that when you come to jail, you will be very lonely and your visits will never be booked up.

I'm not saying your family won't help you out. I'm just saying your friends aren't likely to.

Of course, there are good friends out there that will help you, but in my experience, most of them won't help you at all - unless they need something from you.

Just in case the people who have been looking out for me read this, this has nothing to do with you. You know who you are. Thanks for sticking by me. I won't let ya'll down ever again.

Fed up

I'm fed up!

All my life, I've looked over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't being watched or to see if the police were around.

I don't want to deal with selling drugs anymore. No matter how smart I think I am, I still get caught.

Everytime I get caught stealing, I go to jail and I have to pay it back. Whenever I get messed up, I end up with another embarrassing story about myself or another scar.

I can't continue to live that way. If I continue on this path, I will kill myself with stress - if a bullet doesn't do it first. And if I continue to live that way and I'm lucky enough to survive, then a prison cell will be my permanent home.

This is not an educated guess - it's a fact. It is not possible to successfully live the life that I have lived.

My advice to all those who know what I'm talking about is - stop while you're ahead. Think of everything you and your loved ones can lose.