Why I got into trouble

For some reason, my mom is convinced that she is somehow responsible for my behavior and bad choices I’ve made in the past.

Sure, maybe she spoiled me too much, but that’s not the reason I joined a gang or started using drugs. My mom did everything she could to keep me out of trouble and provided everything I needed to succeed, but it was my decisions that led me to where I am today.

So then what caused you to make poor decisions, join a gang and do drugs, you might ask? Well, I’ve though a lot about it and I’ve come to this conclusion: Every kid at a certain age goes through a stage where he/she doesn’t want to listen to his parents. Kids are in too much of a rush to grow up. Depending on the group of friends they have and what type of atmosphere they’re exposed to will play a big part in who they become.

Also it’s a very good idea for them to have hobbies or some kind of activity that they enjoy to help fill up their free time. That was one thing I never had. I didn’t play many sports, play an instrument, go paintballing or anything else. I had way too much free time and freedom. I was in such a rush to grow up that I wanted to do what I saw all the older kids doing. They drank, smoked cigarettes and weed, and did pretty much whatever they wanted to do without their parents telling them what to do. Eventually I started doing what they did and it made me feel more adult-like. After awhile, I stopped going to school and missed any and all opportunities that came with it. I wasn’t playing sports, I wasn’t doing chores, I really didn’t do anything. I wasn’t doing anything I was supposed to.

All I wanted to do was get high and hang out with my friends. Nothing else mattered. Well today I’m paying for all that. If I could go back and change things I would, but since I can’t, I’m trying to make the best of it.

My advice to any parents who are willing to listen is simply this – and you’ve probably heard it all before, but it couldn’t be more true. Don’t let your children get to the point where you can’t control them. Set firm rules and you can’t under any circumstances let them break those rules without punishing them. It’s up to you how you punish them, but don’t go easy, but don’t be too cruel either. Let them know you mean business. For those parents whose kids are already getting out of control, all I can tell you is make sure they get what they deserve. Let their punishment fit the crime and hopefully they’ll realize it’s not worth the trouble. If that means they have to spend a few weeks in the JDC (Juvenile Department of Corrections), then so be it. Some people just have to learn the hard way. Look at me.

Gangs in prison

This is probably something I should have realized years ago, but I’m realizing it more and more in prison.

I look around and I see all these gangs in prison – wearing their clothes a certain way or having gang tattoos – but I don’t see what they can offer you.

They say they can offer protection, but to me that just puts a target on your head. They also say theirs [the name of their gang] softly in numbers. Well most of the fights I see are gang-related and there are hardly ever more than two people fighting – while the rest of their gangs just stand around and watch.

It is a little different on the street. Gangs on the street tend to be more loyal to the gang, but like I said in the beginning – they don’t have anything to offer.

Sure they’ll say you could make money and have girls, but is it worth it? I’d rather find a girl who wants nothing to do with gangs and doesn’t care if I’m rich.

Just look at what you get offered to join a gang and then look at what life has to offer you not being in a gang.

A real cut up

Last night as I was sleeping, I was awakened by someone at the other end of my wing.

He was screaming “Help…Help me!”

At first I thought it was just one of these knuckleheads trying to be funny, but I started to wake up a little more and I could tell he was in trouble.

All of a sudden the CO came running into the wing trying to figure out what was going on. He ran to the cell and handcuffed them both. He took them both somewhere where nobody could see and came back shortly afterward and started searching the cell.

I guess when the CO started coming, the guy that was trying to cut his cellmate flushed his razor blade down the toilet before the CO got to them.

Even so, he was sent to the box for who knows how long and his cellmate was put into protective custody unharmed.

I’ve only been here three weeks. I wonder what will happen next…

Showers in Lake Butler

This was written before Ted left for the Orlando reception center.

I am currently being held at Lake Butler RMC – Main. I am in I block, which is the old isolation dorm.

Here we get three showers a week – which last anywhere from 30 – 60 seconds, depending on what time we start.

Because it’s so hot in here and there’s no A/C, as soon as you get out of the shower you’re sweating again and it’s just like you never took any kind of shower in the first place.

When you get in these showers, it’s always either too hot or too cold.

The showers are two-man showers separated by bars.

It’s really hard getting used to showering with another person next to you.

I suppose it could be worse. Maybe?

Constant harassment

Every morning we wake up to go to breakfast at 4:30 and last night was no different. We woke up, went to chow, and came back. When we got back, everybody’s stuff was torn up and thrown all over the place.

That’s not really unusual, but this time a lot of people got their cigarettes taken by the CO even though we’re allowed to have them. Just as everybody was making their beds again, one of the COs came walking through smoking the inmates’ cigarettes. You might ask ‘Well how do you know that he was smoking theirs?’ I know because he said so.

He passed my room and went to the cell next to mine and asked him “What would you do for your cigarettes?” He replied, “What do you want me to do Sir?” So the CO made him sing the Barney theme song out loud, then made him sing the YMCA song – but instead of saying “Y..M..C..A,” he had to sing “Y Am I Gay!”

Then for the next two hours, he sat one cell over messing with that man over every little thing, so I couldn’t sleep the whole time. Then after he was finally through, he refused to turn the lights off so we could go to sleep.

These COs here just love to come to work to make you mad.

I got to be honest – he was kinda funny for the first five minutes, but he got real old, real fast.

Transferred to permanent camp

I received another letter today (the third in three days). Ted was transferred to Brevard C.I. in Cocoa, FL (near Daytona) last night. I called and he is currently in an air-conditioned dorm, but will not be staying there. He is in minimum security.

About Brevard C.I.:

Brevard only houses youthful/adult males from ages 19-24.
There's a maximum capacity of 1,032 in Minimum, Medium, Closed and Community housing.
There are two open bay housing units and 10 cell housing units.

Services offered are:

Academic Programs:
Adult Basic Education/GED
Literacy

Vocational Programs:
Air Conditioning/ Refrigeration and Heating
Architectural Drafting
Commercial Foods/ Culinary Arts
PC Support
Pipe Trade Systems Technology
Commercial Truck Driving

Wellness Education Services:
Fresh Start Smoking Cessation
Wellness Education
Sports Leagues

Library Services:
Library Program
Minor Law Collection

Substance Abuse Programs:
Tier 1- Substance Abuse Education
Tier 3- Long Term Residential Therapeutic Community (RTC)

Chaplaincy Services:
Chapel Library Program
Kairos Week-ends
Prison Fellowship Monthly
Religious Education
T.D. Jakes Satellite Location
Way Home Bridge Builders
Worship Services

Institutional Betterment Programs:
Parent and Child Together in Print

Other Ongoing Programs:
Life Skills

Sick in prison

I’ve been sick the last three days, and for the whole three days, I’ve been asking the correctional officers (COs) for Tylenol.

They keep telling me they’ll do it when they aren’t so busy, but for some reason I still ain’t got any.

I can’t see too much from my cell, but from what I can see, the correctional officers are never busy. They just sit around spitting out tobacco.

Now I know it’s their job to make us not want to come back, but the least they can do is get me some Tylenol.

My head and body won’t stop hurting and the more I complain about it, the less they come around my cell.

Also besides not being able to get medicine, the worst part about being sick in here is having to walk to and from the dining hall and having to sit out on the rec field for about two hours in the hot sun.

Letters at last

Today a bunch of blog entries arrived in the mail! Ted has been moved to the Central Florida Reception Center in Orlando. I called the prison and spoke with his occupational officer. He will be moved to his permanent facility on Monday. I was told to wait to deposit any money into his commissary account until he arrived at his permanent one. He is very sick, but does not have the swine flu, as he is in with the general pop, the officer said.

Hiya Mom,

For the last three days I’ve been so sick. It’s from one of three things. Either it’s from being hot with no A/C all day, this filthy cell, or them making us walk back from the rec field in the pouring rain. My guess is all of the above.

This is the first time in three days I’ve had enough strength to even write you.

Besides not being able to get medicine in here – the worst part about being sick is having to walk to and from chow hall and having to stay out on the rec field. They make us stay out there for two or three hours and the whole time, I just want to pass out.

Anyway, I’m still sick, but I’m starting to recover a little. I still can’t eat much, but I’m tryin'.

It’s so boring in here I can’t take it. Oh yea, they sent your books back. They've got to be from a book publisher or dealer. [They were.]

When I get to my permanent camp, I’m going to try and get my CDL license or take up carpentry. It’ll give me something to do. I’m really hoping to get my CDL though.

Anyway, even though I’ve been sleeping for three days, I’m gonna go back to sleep.

Give Cocoa a tummy rub for me. I love you and miss you.

Teddy

Car search

This entry was written back in August when Ted was still in the Pinellas County Jail.

One night as I was driving to work, I was pulled over for having a headlight out.

Anyway, the cop ran my license and everything checked out okay. When he gave me back my license, he asked me if I had anything illegal in the car. I told him no – even though I did.

He asked me if he could search my car and again I told him no.

Then he told me to step out of the car because he was going to search my car anyway. Those were his exact words.

Even though he had no right to search my car, I was still wrong ‘cause I shouldn’t have had weed in my car.

Naturally, I was arrested and taken to jail.

Prison mail rules

The following rules apply to routine mail going to Florida prisons.

33-210.101 Routine Mail.

(1) The provisions of this section shall apply to routine mail. Routine mail is all inmate mail, except legal mail (see 33-210.102, F.A.C. privileged mail (see 33-210.103, F.A.C.) and publications (see 33-501.401, F.A.C.).

(2) Inmates will be permitted to receive only the following types of materials through routine mail:
(a) Written correspondence (no limit as to number of pages). Correspondence may be written on greeting cards, but cards containing electronic or other non-paper parts, cards which are constructed in such a way as to permit concealment of contraband, or which are larger than 8"x10" will not be permitted.
(b) Up to 5 pages of additional written materials, unless prior approval is obtained from the warden to send in an enclosure of greater than five pages.
Each page can be no larger than 8 1/2 x 14 inches in size; material can be on both sides of a page. This does not include bound publications which will be handled pursuant to Rule 33-501.401, F.A.C.
Individual newspaper or magazine articles or clippings or clippings from other publications are permissible, up to the 5 page limit.
No item can be glued, taped, stapled or otherwise affixed to a page.
Requests to send enclosures of greater than five pages shall be made to the warden or his designee prior to sending the material.
Exceptions to the five page limitation are intended for enclosures concerning legal, medical, or other significant issues, and not for material for general reading or entertainment purposes.
The warden shall advise the sender and the mail room of his approval or disapproval of the request.
(c) Photographs. Photographs will be counted toward the 5 page additional materials limitation. Nude photographs or photographs which reveal genitalia, buttocks, or the female breast will not be permitted.
Polaroid photographs will not be permitted.
Photographs will not exceed 8"x10".
(d) Self-addressed stamped envelopes. These items do not count toward the 5 page limitation for additional materials, but cannot exceed the equivalent of 20 (1 ounce) first class stamps.
(e) Blank greeting cards (no larger than 8"x10"), stationery or other blank paper or envelopes. These items do not count toward the 5 page limitation for additional materials, but cannot exceed 10 in number, with a total possession limit of 15 of each item.
(f) U.S. postage stamps. The value of the stamps cannot exceed the equivalent of 20 (1 oz.) first class stamps. These items do not count toward the 5 page limitation for additional materials.

(3) No other items may be received through incoming routine mail. If an impermissible item is found (other than items of an illegal nature, the entire correspondence will be returned to the sender pursuant to subsection (11) of this rule.
For example, the following items are not permissible for inclusion in or attachment to routine mail:
(a) Non-paper items;
(b) Items of a non-communicative nature such as lottery tickets or matchbooks;
(c) Stickers or stamps (other than postage stamps, postal service attachments, and address labels affixed to the outside of the envelope);
(d) Address labels (other than those affixed to the outside of the envelope);
(e) Laminated cards or other laminated materials.

(4) Inmates shall be responsible for informing correspondents of the regulations concerning incoming routine mail.

(5) Any routine mail sent or received may be opened, examined and read by a designated employee.
Outgoing mail shall not be sealed by the inmate sender. Incoming and outgoing mail that is properly addressed and otherwise in compliance with applicable rules shall not be held for processing for more than 48 hours of receipt by the mail room, excluding weekends and holidays.

(6) Except as provided in this section, inmates may send mail to and receive mail from any person or group they wish.

(7) Correspondence with inmates of other penal institutions shall be subject to the approval of the warden of each institution. Either warden shall withhold approval if he finds that the intended correspondence would present a substantial threat of interference with the security, order or rehabilitative objectives of his institution.

(8) Inmates may not send mail to any person who has advised the warden that he does not wish to receive mail from the inmate.
The parents or legal guardians of a person under the age of 18 may advise that mail is not to be sent to such person. Upon receipt of such advisement, the warden will cause to be prepared an acknowledgement specifying that the inmate will not be permitted to send mail to the person requesting the correspondence restriction and that such person should return any further mail received from the inmate and notify the warden of the attempt to correspond.
After the inmate is notified of the correspondence restriction, any further attempt to correspond will be considered a violation of this rule and of section 9-14 of the Rules of Prohibited Conduct, (33-601.314, F.A.C.) and will subject the inmate to disciplinary action.

(9) Outgoing or incoming mail shall be disapproved for mailing or delivery to the inmate if any part of it:
(a) Depicts or describes procedures for the construction of or use of weapons, ammunitions, bombs, chemical agents, or incendiary devices;
(b) Depicts, encourages, or describes methods of escape from correctional facilities or contains blueprints, drawings or similar descriptions of Department of Corrections facilities or institutions, or includes road maps that can facilitate escape from correctional facilities;
(c) Depicts or describes procedures for the brewing of alcoholic beverages, or the manufacture of drugs or other intoxicants;
(d) Is written in code;
(e) Depicts, describes or encourages activities which may lead to the use of physical violence or group disruption;
(f) Encourages or instructs in the commission of criminal activity;
(g) Is dangerously inflammatory in that it advocates or encourages riot, insurrection, disruption of the institution, violation of department or institution rules, the violation of which would present a serious threat to the security, order or rehabilitative objectives of the institution or the safety of any person;
(h) Threatens physical harm, blackmail or extortion;
(i) Pictorially depicts sexual conduct as defined by s. 847.001, FS, as follows:
1. Actual or simulated sexual intercourse;
2. Sexual bestiality;
3. Masturbation;
4. Sadomasochistic abuse;
5. Actual contact with a person’s unclothed genitals, pubic area, buttocks, or, if such person is a female, breast;
6. Any act or conduct which constitutes sexual battery or simulates that sexual battery is being or will be committed.
(j) Presents nudity or a lewd exhibition of the genitals in such a way as to create the appearance that sexual conduct is imminent, i.e., display of contact or intended contact with genitals, pubic area, buttocks or female breasts orally, digitally or by foreign object, or display of sexual organs in an aroused state.
(k) Contains criminal history, offender registration, or other personal information about another inmate or offender which, in the hands of an inmate, presents a threat to the security, order or rehabilitative objectives of the correctional system or to the safety of any person;
(l) Is not in compliance with incoming mail regulations set forth in subsections (2) and (3) of this rule (incoming mail only);
(m) Contains or appears to contain unknown or unidentifiable substances; or
(n) otherwise presents a threat to the security, order, or rehabilitative objectives of the Correctional System, or to the safety of any person.

(10) No inmate may establish or conduct a business through the mail during his period of incarceration.

(11) When an inmate is prohibited from sending a letter, the letter and a written and signed notice stating one of the authorized reasons for disapproval and indicating the portion or portions of the letter causing disapproval will be given to the inmate.
When an inmate is prohibited from receiving any item of mail, the inmate and the sender will be given notice in writing that the mail has been disapproved stating one of the authorized reasons for disapproval.
The Unauthorized Mail Return Receipt, Form DC2-521, will be placed in the original envelope with the correspondence and returned to the sender.
If contraband is discovered in the mail (other than contraband of an illegal nature), the contraband item and the correspondence will be returned to the sender with the Unauthorized Mail Return Receipt included.
In either case the inmate may file a grievance to be reviewed by an officer or official other than the person disapproving the mail.
Form DC2-521 is hereby incorporated by reference. Copies of the form are available from the Forms Control Administrator, Office of the General Counsel, 2601 Blair Stone Road, Tallahassee, Florida, 32399-2500. The effective date of this form is December 4, 2002.

(12) The address of all incoming mail must contain the inmate's committed name, identification number and institutional address.
The return address of all outgoing mail must contain only the inmate's committed name, identification number and institutional name and institutional address.
No prefix other than inmate, Mr., Ms., Miss, or Mrs. nor any suffix other than Jr., Sr. or Roman numeral such as II or III may be included as part of the committed name in the return address.
The institutional name in the return address must be spelled out completely with no abbreviations.
All outgoing routine mail will be stamped "mailed from a state correctional institution" by mail room staff.

(13) When an inmate is transferred or released, routine mail addressed to the inmate at his old institution shall be treated as follows:
(a) For 1 month after the transfer or release, all first-class and second-class mail will be returned to the post office within 10 working days of receipt with a forwarding address, if available, and a request will be made to postal authorities to forward.
All postage due is the responsibility of the inmate and must be paid in accordance with postage regulations.
At the end of the 1-month period, all first-class and second-class routine mail will be returned to the U.S. Postal Service with no attempt to have mail forwarded.

(b) From the date of transfer or release, all routine mail other than firstclass and second-class will be returned to the U.S. Postal Department for its disposition.

(14) No postage or writing materials shall be provided to inmates for routine mail except that postage and writing materials shall be provided to any inmate with insufficient funds for mailing one first class letter weighing one ounce or less each month to be used for mailing one first class letter weighing one ounce or less each month.
Local procedures may be established to require the inmate to request the free postage and writing materials or to establish a specific day of the month for the free letters to be processed.
Inmates shall be permitted to receive U.S. postage stamps in their routine mail so long as the value of the stamps does not exceed the equivalent of 20 (1 oz.) first class stamps.
Inmates may not possess more than the equivalent of 25 (1 oz.) first class stamps.
Due care shall be exercised in processing mail, however, the department shall not be responsible for any postage stamps sent through the mail.

(15) Inmates shall not utilize hand-made packages or envelopes to send out routine mail. Mail enclosed in such materials will be returned to the inmate without processing.

(16) Outgoing packages and envelopes will not bear any artwork, additional lettering or designs other than the required address and return address.

Ted's 5th birthday party

Today was Columbus Day, so there was no mail delivery - which means no new blog entries from Ted yet.

Here's a video clip of Ted's 5th birthday party - even then he was popular with the ladies. Notice the cute missing front tooth!

From everything to nothing

Since I’ve still not received any new blog entries from Ted, I will post some unpublished entries that he wrote in the Pinellas County Jail.

In the last 2½ years, I have owned three very nice cars.

The first was a Mitsubishi 3000GT, which had a VTEC engine and was very fast.

Then I sold my Mitsubishi to buy an all-custom Honda Accord with air-bag suspension, limo-tinted windows, custom paint job, and a five-foot-long sun roof that you could fit 15 people out of the roof.

Then I sold that and I bought a right-hand drive turbo Honda Civic.

Soon after buying my Civic, I got real drunk and took a bunch of pills and wrecked my car by driving into a telephone pole.

After finally wrecking my third car, I could not afford to fix it and I couldn’t sell my car for enough money to buy another decent car – so I sold my Civic and bought a bunch of marijuana to try and make enough money for a new car.

But the day after I bought the marijuana, the cops confiscated it all. I was left with nothing.

Especially over the last couple of years, I have made many bad mistakes which have caused me to go from having it all to having nothing.

I just want to say that if you want to sell and do drugs, you may have nice things for a little while, but you will end up losing everything – and I do mean Everything.

Photos: Ted at age 15 as he learns to drive in his future Mitsubishi; Low-rider with air suspension, Right-hand drive car. (Click on images to enlarge.)

The trip to prison

On Tuesday, September 22nd at 2:30 a.m., I was woken up and told that I was going to be transferred, so I got up and packed my stuff.

I left my pod and was brought to the maximum security part of the jail. There I sat in a small one-man cell with six other people that were going to prison too. We must have sat in there for about two hours. During that time, we were fed breakfast.

After breakfast, we were led to a hallway with even more people on their way to prison. In the hall, we were shackled and handcuffed to the person next to us. There was about 20 of us altogether.

After we were handcuffed and shackled, we were lead to a bus. When we walked it was like a 3-legged race because of the shackles. The bus we got on was a big white bus that said ‘Pinellas County Sheriff Transport’ along the side with bars all along the windows.

When we got on the bus, we went through two gates toward the back of the bus where we sat in some uncomfortable plastic seats. The guards that were transporting us were armed with assault rifles.

I’m not sure how long the trip was to Lake Butler, but I’d have to say it was about 4-5 hours and the whole time we had to stay handcuffed and shackled to the person next to us. I tried to get some sleep, but couldn’t do it. There was no way to get comfortable.

This was the beginning of the worst day of my life…

Almost gone

It’s Monday night and in a couple hours I could possibly leave to go to prison.

I have asked a lot of people what it’ll be like and what to expect. I’m anxious, yet scared.

I will kind of be disappointed if I don’t go, but even if I don’t, I will leave on Thursday.

I heard that that first 2-4 weeks will be the worst, but that would probably be true even if the prison wasn’t filled with convicts.

I’m not sure how long it will be before I can send or receive letters – and not hearing from my family will be the worst.

Right now I’m only 15 minutes away from where I live, but who knows where I’ll be in a month or two. I could be almost in Alabama for all I know.

Well in a few hours, I’ll know if I’m going or not, and I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

Wish me luck…

My best friend

No matter what I did or where I went, I had this friend who was always there for me.

At times we seemed to be on top of the world and sometimes times were hard, but no matter what, we stuck by each other.

Anyway, this is for him.

On 8/11/09, he came to jail for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. I don’t really want to know what he did, but by the grace of God, his charges are being dropped.

I just want to say to him –

I know we’ve been to hell and back together and not even a bullet could’ve separated us. When you get out, I hope you realize how close you were to coming to prison with me. Please if you don’t listen to anything else, listen to this.

The drugs are going to make you do things you regret – even if you don’t intend to do anything wrong. Just look at the scars on my face and you’ll know what I’m saying.

I want you to know I pray for you every night.

I'm ready to go

I never thought I would say that I'm looking forward to going to prison, but you have to understand that I've literally been in the same room for 11 months without really going outside under the open sky.

Not to mention that Chuck Norris is now working in the pod 3-4 days a week. The other day, he came up to me and said, "Braden, do you know why I have a problem getting along with people, and especially my girlfriend?" I thought he was going to say cause he talks too much or something like that, but instead he said, "It's because I'm always right!"

I pray that no other human should be put through that kind of torture that only Deputy Phillips (aka Chuck Norris) can dish out.

P.S. Chuck Norris is about 15 feet away from me as I write this.

(This entry was written before Ted left the Pinellas County Jail.)

Jail food

When you first come to jail, the worst part about it (besides being here) is the hunger.

A lot of people don't have money - or people to give them money - so that means they can't eat commissary food.

Sure, the jail feeds you, but if you only eat the meals the jail feeds you, you'll be left still hungry.

It sucks not being able to eat what you want, when you want.

The food you get for each meal is never any good - sometimes it's unrecognizable - and also the amount you get is a joke.

I'm a small person (119 lbs.) and if I could eat four trays of this food, imagine how hungry someone who's bigger than me feels.

The meals here only are enough to keep me from coming back! That's not even mentioning all the other reasons - which I won't get into - because I'm sure you've got some kind of plans for the next week!

When I get to prison

OK, here's the deal.

When I get to prison, I am going to continue to write these blogs, but unfortunately everything I send out is going to be read, so I am going to have to keep everything I say PG-13, so to speak.

Everything that I'm not able to post from prison, I will post when I get out.

I am hoping it doesn't get to the point where the prison doesn't want me to write blogs at all. I don't think it will come to that and even if it does - my mom will take over until I get out [writing entries about my past crimes and incarcerations].

I hope all of you will continue to read my blogs.

Good people

The next few entries were sent from Ted just before he left for prison...

Even though I am going to prison, everything I am doing with these blogs is bringing good people back into my life - which is something I really need.

For instance, yesterday my 6th grade science teacher - who I haven't seen in years - came to see me. That meant so much to me. (I don't know if she knows it, but she was the best teacher I every had. I'm sure she'll still be around to teach me new things.)

The biggest thing I've noticed with all these people coming to see me to give me encouragement is that not one of these people have judged what I've done in the past. The only thing any of these people care about is that I do what I'm supposed to do.

It feels great not to have to hide my past. Thank you to all that have come to see me and also to those who have tried to come see me. Your support means the world to me.

A little advice to others - No matter what you do in life - don't cut the good people out of it. I'm just learning that. Having the right kind of people in your life can make the biggest difference!

A prisoner's first day

The following story is from www.prisonsecrets.com. An inmate recounts his first day in prison…

My First Day in Prison

"My first day in prison was one I’ll never forget. I was in jail, and as bad as THAT seems, I was in fear of the unknown - Prison! If you have ever been to prison then you know what to expect, but I had no idea. I asked others who were in the jail to explain it to me, but all the explaining in the world couldn’t prepare me for what I had in store.

The guards in the jail got me up early to prepare me for the ride to prison. After breakfast and a shower, they handcuffed me and took me to the transport room.

When I got there I saw several other guys who were handcuffed and shackled and sitting there waiting to leave. They took my cuffs off and strip searched me to make sure I wasn’t carrying any weapons (or anything else I wasn’t supposed to have). A strip search isn’t a cavity search. They aren’t going to try to check inside your butt unless they think you have something in there that you aren’t suppose to have.

You get totally naked in front of whoever is there. You face the guard that is strip searching you and you hold your hands and arms up so they can see that you don’t have anything in your hands of taped to your armpits. You open your mouth and move your tongue around so they can see that you don’t have anything in your mouth. Then you run your hands through your hair (if you have any) and pull your ears forward so they can look in and behind them. Next you turn around. You pick up your feet one at a time to show that you don’t have anything taped to the bottom of your feet. Lastly, you bend over and cough. The guard inspects your butthole to see if he thinks you have any drugs or weapons stuffed in there. If they think you have something in there, they do a cavity search on you immediately so you don’t have a chance to get rid of it. And no I didn’t receive one that day (thank god!)

After my strip search, the guard went through my clothes. Not just pockets, but along seams and collars etc. to see if there is anything in there.

Once the strip search was over, the guard took my clothes and gave me my underwear and socks back and took the rest to be transported. He gave me a jumpsuit to wear and some slippers for shoes.

Then he told me to kneel down on the bench facing the wall. When I did, he put shackles on my ankles. Afterward, I stood up (with great difficulty because of the shackles) and he put handcuffs on me. Next they put a chain all the way around my waist and secured the handcuffs to it so you couldn’t raise your arms. Then I sat with the others till everyone that was going was treated in like fashion. Only one guy got mouthy. Everyone else was in shock, not knowing what to expect next.

We were then lead outside to the bus. once we got there, they un-cuffed every other guy and would hook your arm through the other guy’s and re-cuff you again, so you were cuffed to another guy (as if the shackles, belly chains, and handcuffs weren’t uncomfortable enough). And then they seated us all on the bus.

The bus had a thick metal screen and bars on the windows. And when we got on the bus, there was a gate behind the driver’s seat that they locked after we all got inside it. I’m sure with everyone being cuffed and shackled to each other, we weren’t about to attack the driver. Being shackled to someone else made moving around very hard.

After they loaded all of our belongings on the bus and our records, we were off. It would be a three-hour-plus ride to the prison and it was only about 9 or 10. I’m not really sure because they took all of my jewelry (which includes my watch). All we were allowed to have was our underwear, t-shirt, jumpsuit, and slippers. Oh yea, and all these chains.

The ride there was long and uncomfortable. Some guys were starting to talk about how bad they were and what was going to happen. I assume they were just trying to cover up their own insecurities and fears.

As we pulled up to the prison, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I tried not to show I was scared, but I was. I tried to act like I was just going to the mall. I wanted so much to be somewhere else, but I couldn’t go. I guess I deserved all that I got. I don’t even want to relive the experience as I tell you about it, but it is as vivid today as it was then. It was a traumatic day.

As we neared the entryway, you could see the razor wire on the fences that surrounds the place, and you could have heard a pin drop inside that bus. Nobody made a sound.

We pulled up to the gate and the guard got out and walked to meet another guard inside the gate. Then the one gate opened and the bus pulled in and the gate closed behind us. At this point we were surrounded by fence and razor wire. It was a fenced in entrance. The guard took a mirror on a pole and looked all underneath the bus. Then he opened the hood and looked around the engine. After that, they talked for a little bit before the gate at the other end opened up and we were moving towards the prison.

We pulled up next to the building and stopped. It seemed like a long time we just waited for the guards to tell us we could get off the bus. Finally they unlocked the gate and told us to start getting off the bus.

As we got off the bus they separated us from the other person that we were chained to, but we all remained shackled and cuffed with belly chains, and we were told to follow the guard inside. You don’t want to take very long steps because the chain on your shackles would fight your strides and it would hurt, so walking was hard to do as well.

Once inside they began taking our chains off. It sure felt good to get them off. Then we were processed one by one – name, date of birth,etc. The guard told me a number and told me not to forget it. I didn’t want to act like I wasn’t paying attention so I didn’t tell him that I didn’t remember it already. I was hoping to ask someone else later.

At this point, everything happened really fast it seemed. It was as if we were running (not literally) through a car wash. They lead us into a room and started to strip search us again. I guess they thought that the other guards didn’t do a good enough job. Once we were naked, we went through a door and it was concrete everywhere. Concrete walls, ceiling, and floors. I was lead to some barber chairs and told I was getting my hair cut. They buzzed it all off. Then I was lead to a shower stall (with no shower curtain), given some liquid soap and told to take a shower (while the guy watched). I’m assuming that this was my delousing.

After the shower I was stopped by another inmate that worked there. You could tell he worked there because he was the only inmate that wasn’t naked, and he asked me what size jumpsuit I wanted. I told him that I didn’t remember my number and he said, “Don’t worry; it’ll be on everything you get. You aren’t going to forget it.” Then he gave me a bag of stuff and a jumpsuit and said, “All I need was in there.”

The bag was a mesh laundry bag and I opened it to get a towel out to dry off. It was then that they said I was to get dressed, and I did.

Then all of us were taken to a cell block. We had been lined up, single file, and marched to the block.

Once we got there, they called out each person’s name (and number), handed them a paper, and told us to put our belongings in your cell, shut the door, and come back to the dayroom area. Our name, number, and cell number was all on the paper. As I walked to my cell I looked at my paper trying to quickly memorize my number so I wouldn’t forget it. Little did I know at that time, that I will never forget that number as long as I live.

I put my things away and looked around. There was a mattress on a metal framework that was bolted to the wall. Farther down was my toilet (sometimes called “The Head”). It’s a stainless steel one that’s attached to the sink. On the opposite wall was a desk and chair to write on. The whole place looked filthy. I wonder when it had been cleaned last. Well, I can look things over later. I shut the cell door and went to the dayroom area (which was just some school like desks all lined up in rows. On the desk was a publication that said, “Inmate Handbook” on it. I sat down and started looking at it.

There were several guards. None seemed to smile or be the least bit friendly. They were calloused (you could tell) from all the people who have come before me. There was no sympathy or understanding. It was their way or else. And at that time I didn’t know what “or else” was, but I didn’t want to find out either.

There was a lot of people talking about what all has happened to us so far and everyone was looking at their handbook when one of the guards said, “Attention people!” and everyone was silent. I don’t remember his exact words, but I’ll try to tell you (for the most part) what he said.

He said, “Gentlemen, I am Captain ____?____ (I don’t remember his name). I am the senior officer here. You have just been admitted into prison. You now belong to me. Your mommy and your daddy can’t help you now. You will do as I say. And if you don’t do as I say, you go to the hole. You have a handbook in front of you. It will tell you what you can and cannot do. If you disobey any of the rules, you go to the hole. If you get smart with any of my Officers, you go to the hole. Don’t get out of line, don’t talk back, and don’t do anything that you aren’t allowed to do or you’ll be going to the hole. This is my prison and I don’t tolerate any insubordination.

This is the isolation block. You will be in cells for the time being while you adapt to prison life. You will be locked down 23 hours a day while you’re here. It is my experience that those who commit suicide in prison usually do it here. If you’re thinking about killing yourself, you’d better do a good job, cause if I catch you, you’re going to wish you were dead!

If you do what you’re told while you’re here, you will have a much more pleasant stay here. You are at the Receiving Center and eventually you will be shipped to your Parent Institution. Until that time you will do as you are told, or I will make it my personal mission to make your time as hard as possible while you’re here. Now I will turn you over to your block Officer. Good day gentlemen.”

As the big man left, another guard began to talk. He told us to follow the rules. And what our laundry and shower schedule would be. He told us if we had any questions to ask. Then he said that we had the next hour for our one hour today to shower, make a phone call, watch TV, or whatever. Then he went up to the desk.

I went to get on the phone but I was too slow. They were already full. I didn’t want to visit with anyone so I just went back to my cell. I went through my handbook and found the mailing address in it. Eventually I got on the phone and called my family. I told them where I was in case they wanted to visit me, and how they could send mail to me.

At the end of the hour, they sent everyone to their cells and locked us down. It got really quiet and with nothing to do and nothing to read, you had a lot of time to think.

After a short time, I heard some odd noises out in the cell block. When it’s quiet like it was, you can hear everything. Not only that but sound echoes around in an empty cell block. So I went to my door and looked out the small window to see what it was. There were some inmates with blue shirts and pants on (like the one that issued me clothing) and they were opening the shoots on our doors. I kept watching and while the one guy opened the rest of the shoots, a couple of other guys were delivering trays of food. It must be chow time. That’s another thing that drives you nuts at first. You have no idea of what time it is. It might be 9 a.m. or it might be 1:30.

The trays were rectangular plastic trays with compartments. The food? Well it’s not mom’s good cooking. It was tuna noodle casserole, two slices of white bread, spinach, lime Jell-o with pear slices, and milk. I don’t like spinach or lime Jello, and the noodles were cooked long enough to become a glob of starch instead of individual noodles. So I salvaged some tuna on the bread to make a sandwich, pulled out the pears for dessert, and had 2% milk to wash it all down. I wasn’t being too picky, I just did 5 months in the county jail and I know it’s either find a way to make a meal or go hungry.

After eating, I set my tray back in the shoot in my door and lay back on my bed to relax and let my food settle. I guess because I had spent so much time in the county jail, I had gotten into a routine. Now we just wait around till supper and we’ll be doing the same thing. Time goes by really slow. Minutes seem like hours. And that’s no exaggeration.

After what seemed like a long time there was some voices that started to progressively get louder and louder until it seemed as though they were yelling. I went to my cell door to look out the window, but I couldn’t see anything. I kept watching and finally saw some guards come in. I saw maybe four or five. They rushed in and you could hear some scuffling noises and some more voices. Then I saw them taking a black guy in handcuffs behind his back to the door of the cell block. I don’t know what happened, but I’m sure they took him to the hole. Maybe tomorrow when we have our hour out of the cell, I’ll ask somebody.

I had been staring at the ceiling for some time, when they started bringing the trays around for supper. It doesn’t take long to figure out this kind of a scheduling. As I waited for the surprise meal, I couldn’t imagine doing years here. What will tomorrow bring. And then, there it was. Hot dogs and beans. I can eat that. It’s not great, but it fills the empty spot in my gut.

Then I placed my tray into the shoot and waited for the guy in blue to come by and get it. This has been some day. A lot has happened. I guess I’ll read my handbook some more.

I lie on my bed and read and got rather bored. There was nothing to do. I got up and paced the floor for a while. I looked out the window to see what I could see. Not much. Nothing of interest.

At one point I had to use the bathroom. Yes that metal monstrosity at the end of my bed. The prison toilet. God I was hoping not to have to use that. Well, I got some toilet paper wet and tried to clean the rim so I could sit down. I got it wet and the dried it off. I guess that’s as good as it gets. I sat down and the metal was cool. I still remember the shock that I felt when I flushed it the first time! The whole thing seemed to turn ice cold! Wow! I was totally unprepared for that! Lucky for me, that was the only surprise I got. I guess it could have been worse.

Later on I started to feel sleepy. I got up early. I am going to try to lie down and sleep. As I laid there, my head spinning with the day’s events. I fear the thought of days and weeks and months and years. It feels long already, but for now, the day is over.”

But the day wasn’t over. He tossed and turned all night. And I’m sure that this is going to be a long time in prison for John.

I know there was no blood and gore, but it was John’s first day at the reception center. When he goes to his Parent Institution, he won’t be isolated and he won’t be in a single man cell. Basically he’s safe from everyone except himself right now. As safe as he can ever be, …. Behind The Walls…